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Linda* was elbow deep in dishes after dinner when she heard the sound of her cat hacking up a hairball.

The 32-year-old had a choice: keep scrubbing the plates in the sink, or clean up the mess she knew was awaiting her in the living room. Linda’s husband had also heard the cat throw up, and he expected his wife to drop the dishes and get down on the carpet.

When she didn’t, “he freaked out and started throwing dishes into the sink and screaming at me about how I was an idiot,” Linda tells SELF.

When psychologists diagnose NPD, they look for the following features, according to the While most people may seem to exhibit hints of narcissism here and there, people with NPD cross the line of healthy confidence and believe they are more important than everyone else all of the time.“Someone with NPD will exhibit these traits on a continuous basis, across all situations, and not feel bad about it,” Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D., a Los Angeles–based psychologist and author of , tells SELF.The first seeds of narcissism are sewn in infancy, Raymond says.Being focused on your immediate needs and wants is normal at this stage.While most people grow out of this neediness by adulthood, narcissists “are insatiable with regard to having care and attention on demand,” Raymond says, adding that this is often rooted in neglectful parents or those who prioritize their own needs instead of their children’s.According to data sourced from a study of more than 34,600 adults, about 6 percent of the U. population has NPD, with rates greater for men (7.7 percent) than for women (4.8 percent).Hazel*, 28, tells SELF of when she first noticed her boyfriend’s grandiosity.“He was born on the Fourth of July, and he believed that destined him to greatness,” she says.“On one of our first dates, he compared himself to Alexander the Great and Napoleon, saying, ' I was born at the wrong time.Alexander the Great and Napoleon had conquered worlds by my age.'" Although remarks like this point to narcissism, they're easy to ignore when you're infatuated, or to even view as a funny display of a partner's confidence.

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